got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
