I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
