im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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