you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
