Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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