her vagine was all disorganized.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
