sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
