The brown eye won't let me do that either.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
