Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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