can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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