i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
