My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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