So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
