Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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