To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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