I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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