if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im holly from the hills drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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