Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
