my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
