That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
