Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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