Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
