I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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