I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
