Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
