She is in my trunk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
