You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
