That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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