You can't special order awesome
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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