Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
