Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
