I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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