Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize