Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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