How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
