I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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