I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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