Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
