i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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