dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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