let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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