dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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