So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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