i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
