no, he came in my armpit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
be right there i have to get my cape
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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