yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
