Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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