How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
