***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
