I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
