I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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