I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
