My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You work out of a Hotel?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
