please come you make the beer taste better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
