I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Found the puke drawer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
