Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
