Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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