I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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