I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
