What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
