in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
