i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
