When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
