I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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