Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
