weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize