i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize