I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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