I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
