The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
