I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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