i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
