and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
