I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's shark week go big or go home
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
