next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
