i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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