4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
