we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
