someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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