there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
