I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
