super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
